What if Jonathan Morgenstern had lived: saying goodbye

If you read City of Heavenly Fire, you can probably still remember how you felt when Jonathan died. Angry, sad, disappointed, unfair he died before he got a chance to live. I felt it all. So did my brain. My mind started playing with the concept What If Jonathan Had Lived? That’s why I’ve decided to write this series of short scenes. They all take place after the ending of COHF (apart from the first one) and all include Jonathan Morgenstern. I do not own these characters and these events never happened, it’s all from my imagination. This is the  last fic of the Jonathan Morgenstern series, where River will say goodbye to leave for the shadowhunter academy in Idris. 

They were lying on Jonathan’s old bed at the Institute, softly talking to each other. River laced her fingers through Jonathan’s and looked in his eyes. “You’re going to love Idris,” Jonathan said. “It’s nowhere as beautiful as there.” River smiled softly. “But you won’t be there.” her voice carried a hint of sadness. Jonathan tugged her closer to his chest, and slipped his arm around her waist. “I won’t be there in physical form, Hudson, but I’ll always be with you.” he whispered in her ear. River closed her eyes for a second, before she turned around to kiss him. It was a different kiss than all the others they had shared before. There was a fierce need in it, and desperation. River kissed him, like it was the last kiss they’d ever share. And when she tugged on his shirt, he knew where they would end up tonight. He helped River take his shirt off and watched her as she studied his body, covered with runes. She placed her fingers on the rune of strength. The weight of her fingertips wasn’t more than a feather, while she traced the shape of the rune. A shiver went down his spine and River looked up at him, her eyes almost black. “You’re beautiful.” she whispered. Jonathan shook his head slightly. River place one finger on his lips and skimmed his lower lip with her thumb, which made his breathing shallow. “Yes, you are. You’re beautiful, Jonathan Morgenstern.” His heart skipped a few beats. “How in Raziel’s name did I get so lucky?” he breathed before cupping her cheeks and crushing his lips on hers. She responded hungrily, tangling her hands in his hair and pulling him closer. After a few minutes of heated kissing, River’s hands traveled down and found the button of his jeans. She fumbled with it  for a couple of seconds, and Jonathan felt her hands shaking slightly. She managed to unbutton his jeans, find the zipper and pulled his jeans down. They landed on the floor, next to his shirt. She placed her hands on his chest and he felt his heart beat rapidly against her hand. Judging by the look she gave him, she felt it too. He leaned down to kiss her lips again, and left a trail of kisses on her neck. He helped her take off her shirt and bit his lip. “What?” River whispered, her eyes following him. He left a featherlight kiss on her stomach. “You are so beautiful.” he murmured against her skin. “I love you.” he said as he slipped her pants down. It found its place on the floor next to their other pieces of clothing. He kissed her lips again, and River wrapped her arms around his neck. “You have a condom, right?” she breathed as he kissed her neck again. “What do you think?” he said, a grin on his face. A blush creeped up on her cheeks, but she smiled. “Just checking. I’m not ready for cute shadowhunter babies just yet.” Jonathan chuckled and kissed her nose. “Neither am I.” She pulled him to her and kissed his lips softly. “I love you, Jonathan.” she breathed against his lips. “I love you, too.” he told her. He slid his hands behind her back and unclasped her bra and soon enough, all their clothes were in a heap on the floor. Jonathan had imagined this moment many times. How it would feel, if they would both like it. When he met her eyes, he came to the conclusion, that reality, this reality, was better than anything he could have ever imagined. The way they perfectly fit together, how River said his name that left him shaking. And he felt so much love for the girl lying in his bed, it made his heart beat as fast as the wings of a hummingbird. Later, when they lay snuggled up against eachother, he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and told her he loved her, again and again.

The next day, they stood outside the Institute, waiting for Magnus to arrive to make a portal and take River to Idris. “River, I’m going to miss you.” Clary said while she hugged her. “Take care, alright?” Jace gave her a quick hug as well. Simon lifted her up and twirled her around. “You’ll be fine, you have it in your blood to be a shadowhunter.” he told her when he put her down again. River’s eyes glazed over. “Thank you, Simon.” Isabelle took Simon’s hand and smiled at River. “Good luck, girl. Don’t let any of those shadowhunter guys bring you down.” River smiled softly. “Thanks, Isabelle.” She turned and walked to Jonathan, who stood a little apart from the group. He leaned against the stone wall of the building and followed her with his eyes as she came nearer. She stood before him, hooked her fingers on his beltloops and pulled him a little closer. “I’m going to miss you, so much.” she whispered and he heard the tears in her voice. “You’re going to be too busy training to miss me.” he croaked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek. She shook her head slightly and a tear escaped her eye. He brushed it away with his thumb. “Listen to me,” he said softly, and lifted her chin up so she had to look him in the eyes, “you’re going to train that pretty little ass off and become a great shadowhunter and when you come back, I’ll be here. I’ll be here waiting for you, having counted down the days, the hours, the seconds until you got back.” Tears were rolling down her cheeks now and he pulled her to him and hugged her tight, fighting to keep his own tears away. “I love you, Hudson.” he whispered in her ear. “I love you Jonathan. I love you, I love you.” she sobbed. Jonathan bit his lip and when he looked up he saw Magnus and Alec. He slowly pulled away from River. “It’s time.” He wiped the tears from her cheek and took her hand. Magnus walked up to them. “Time to go, River.” The others walked towards them as Magnus created a portal. Clary hugged River again and both of the girls were crying. “Are you ready?” Magnus asked. River threw herself at Jonathan and he held her to his chest tight for a few more moments. “Take care of yourself.” he whispered. She nodded, kissed his lips one more time and he tasted salt. Then she walked over to Magnus. “I’ll see you soon.” Jonathan said, a lump in his throat. River nodded and took Magnus’ hand. Jonathan could just see her lips form the word ‘bye’ before she stepped into the light. And then she was gone.

That’s a wrap! Thank you everyone who has taken the time to read these fanfics and I hope you enjoyed them as much as I did. I loved writing Jonathan, and I hope I did him justice. Please feel free to contact me on twitter (@niksmyshka) if you have any questions or if you just want to fangirl. And, don’t be sad. It’s over for now, but not for ever. 

amy calloway sisters


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